Over the weekend, I had a seizure. I don’t remember how I got downstairs or anything, but the seizure left a huge dent in my kitchen wall downstairs.
Scary stuff. I mean, I should be scared, right? I ended up going to the ER too, but not because I was scared for me, but because I was scared for my baby. You see, I am pregnant. That’s truly why I haven’t posted in the last four months, there’s a bambino growing inside of me right now.
However, the events of this weekend have forced me to write on my blog again, especially under a fake name. I’m so scared and I need someone to talk to.
My husband is a wreck on the inside, but he is acting so positive on the outside. I can’t drive to work anymore, and so he has been helping me complete the 45-minute commute to work everyday. My dad, the other great guy in my life, is helping me get to my doctor’s appointments as long as I get him breakfast or lunch outta it.
I’ve never been so scared in my life. And to tell you the truth, I don’t feel like I have anywhere to turn but this silly blog. I’ve tried to tell myself that I would never write about my life, but the circumstances of my situation have been leading me to discuss them here.
My baby looks healthy, I think. When they did the ultrasound in the ER, my little one was in there, swimming in my belly. They didn’t tell me I may have a brain tumor at the ER.
My OBGYN told me I may have a brain tumor. I was hoping she would just tell me it was normal to have a seizure, that it had something to do with all the hormones surging through me, but instead she told me that it may be because I have a brain tumor.
“Brain tumor?” I have laughed.
“Brain tumor?” I have scoffed.
“Brain tumor?” I cried myself to sleep last night.
Please, for the love of God, have it not be a brain tumor. The incident brings me to closely to a prayer I had with God at the beginning of my pregnancy. I prayed that God would let this baby live. This is my third pregnancy, the other two ended in miscarriage. I prayed that God would let this child live. I told God I would give my life for this child, and I would, but I wasn’t expecting it by way of a brain tumor.
I can still feel the bruise on the back of my head from the seizure I had this weekend. All I want to do when I go home is sleep. I’m worried about my husband, keeping my job, and staying alive. I hope the neurologist has better news for me tomorrow.
Have you guys ever experienced a scare like this? Survive a terminal illness? Please share any of your stories. I’m so worried my future child won’t have a mother.