Brain Tumor?

Over the weekend, I had a seizure.  I don’t remember how I got downstairs or anything, but the seizure left a huge dent in my kitchen wall downstairs.

ImageScary stuff.  I mean, I should be scared, right?  I ended up going to the ER too, but not because I was scared for me, but because I was scared for my baby.  You see, I am pregnant.  That’s truly why I haven’t posted in the last four months, there’s a bambino growing inside of me right now.

However, the events of this weekend have forced me to write on my blog again, especially under a fake name.  I’m so scared and I need someone to talk to.

My husband is a wreck on the inside, but he is acting so positive on the outside. I can’t drive to work anymore, and so he has been helping me complete the 45-minute commute to work everyday.  My dad, the other great guy in my life, is helping me get to my doctor’s appointments as long as I get him breakfast or lunch outta it.

I’ve never been so scared in my life.  And to tell you the truth, I don’t feel like I have anywhere to turn but this silly blog.  I’ve tried to tell myself that I would never write about my life, but the circumstances of my situation have been leading me to discuss them here.  

My baby looks healthy, I think.  When they did the ultrasound in the ER, my little one was in there, swimming in my belly.  They didn’t tell me I may have a brain tumor at the ER.

My OBGYN told me I may have a brain tumor.  I was hoping she would just tell me it was normal to have a seizure, that it had something to do with all the hormones surging through me, but instead she told me that it may be because I have a brain tumor.

“Brain tumor?”  I have laughed.

“Brain tumor?” I have scoffed.

“Brain tumor?” I cried myself to sleep last night.

Please, for the love of God, have it not be a brain tumor.  The incident brings me to closely to a prayer I had with God at the beginning of my pregnancy.  I prayed that God would let this baby live.  This is my third pregnancy, the other two ended in miscarriage.  I prayed that God would let this child live.  I told God I would give my life for this child, and I would, but I wasn’t expecting it by way of a brain tumor.

I can still feel the bruise on the back of my head from the seizure I had this weekend.  All I want to do when I go home is sleep.  I’m worried about my husband, keeping my job, and staying alive. I hope the neurologist has better news for me tomorrow.

Have you guys ever experienced a scare like this?  Survive a terminal illness?  Please share any of your stories.  I’m so worried my future child won’t have a mother.

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4 thoughts on “Brain Tumor?

  1. Oh how terrifying. I am so sorry.
    I don’t think your blog is silly and I think it is really healthy of you to express this anxiety. Holding it in would truly suck.
    First I’m gonna rant a little at the doctor. “May be a brain tumor???” How about holding on to that thought until they know for sure to avoid completely terrifying you? I have heard of so many “maybe, could be diagnoses,” in my career which completely stresses people out that turned out benign.
    Secondly, my dad had a brain tumor, had it removed, and was completely fine.
    Thirdly, I had these “episodes” when I was pregnant both times that were similar to petit-mal seizures. I never mentioned them because I was frankly a coward. They were scary, not as bad as yours, but they happened regularly. I researched it and was pretty sure it was the baby pressing on my abdominal aorta, temporarily cutting off blood supply to my brain.
    My pregnancies were normal and I have two healthy children.
    Your situation will be unique, because you are unique. I only shared these stories to help you realize that are more benign possibilities AND because lots of weird things go on with your body when pregnant. It’s hard to make a human being.
    The good thing is you are getting evaluated. Your baby is being monitored and modern medicine is really remarkable.
    So deep breath, baby yourself, you’re making a baby! Try not to awfulize.
    Hugs, thoughts and prayers flying your way!

    • Thank you so much for these kind words, Cindy, especially sharing your own experiences about the baby pressing on your abdominal aorta. Modern medicine is truly remarkable, and I am just thankful that my child is healthy. I will breathe!!! Thank you for the prayers too, and I think you are right, in determining that my own situation is unique. I just have to take it a day at a time. Thank you so much for commenting. ❤

  2. I agree with Cindy from above. What a terrible thing for your OBGYN to just blurt out in such a manner. Did she not stop to think how absolutely horrible something like that would sound, or make you feel? Shame on her. I would suggest making an appointment with a general practice doctor, or even a specialist, depending on your financial situation, to get a second opinion and give yourself some peace of mind. You have my deepest sympathies on your first two pregnancies ending in miscarriages, I cannot imagine how difficult that must have been on you. My thoughts are with you.

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